Jun 27, 2010

Come fill the cup? Not here, buddy.

Category: General

It’s true that there was a hemidemisemiquaver of interest in the World Cup as long as the USA was playing but now that they’ve lost to a team, all of whose members kept blowing their noses on their shirts, it is time to relegate soccer to the ashbin of sports history.

Final note: soccer will never fly in our America. Most of us find totally disgusting a game whose biggest strategic innovation is to see which team’s players can trip over their own stupid feet and fall down, then pretend to have been tripped and to be near death until the referee decides to take a goldenrod yellow card out of his pocket, at which moment said players make a miraculous recovery, jump to their feet, dancing and singing. Meanwhile the clock keeps running through all this downtime and none of the official mopes involved have any idea how to speed the game up and keep it fair.

Also, it is a historical fact that any team which is behind two goals to zero has no chance — nada, none — of winning a World Cup game. Who wants to watch an alleged sporting contest in which the result is therefore pre-ordained? The only thing that made World Cups momentarily watchable in the past was Luciano Pavarotti singing Nessun Dorma. But the maestro is gone and this year we were stuck watching Bubba hanging out with Mick Jagger.

Game over.

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