Warren Murphy

The Stopped Donald:

Warren Murphy — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 19:51:46 +0000

I personally regard Donald Trump as one of the most useless carbon life forms on Planet Earth. He’s a tasteless buffoon, a publicity hound, and maybe the world’s worst businessman.
But, as they say, even a stopped clock is right twice a day. And now perhaps it’s the Donald’s turn.
First of all, Trump has joined the birthers, casting doubts upon the citizenship of President Box’o'rocks (Bless his holy name.) Trump wants to see the real Obama birth certificate, not some dollar-store version of one. I’ll leave that to him; I don’t have a horse in that race. But just today Trump upped the stakes when he said that Box’o'rocks never wrote “his” best selling book, Dreams of My Father. Instead, Trump says, it was written by Bill Ayers, revolutionary extraordinary and dear close personal friend of the Messiah. And in this case, common sense and literary analysis must tell us all that Trump is absolutely right…and Obama’s supposed writing abilities are a fraud — actually just like everything else in his life.
Box’o'rocks (Bless his holy name) has written nothing. In law school he managed one small article that no one remembers. Apart from that, here — presented for your viewing pleasure — is his other literary achievement, a poem called “Underground” and it goes:

Under water grottos, caverns
Filled with apes
That eat figs.
Stepping on the figs
That the apes
eat, they crunch.
The apes howl, bare
Their fangs, dance,
Tumble in the
Rushing waters,
Musty, wet pelts
Glistening in the blue.

Sure. And from there, it’s barely a step to the NY Times best seller list for “an outstanding literary achievement.” Pardon me while I fwow up.

I don’t even mind so much that President Puss-in-boots is an anti-semite nincompoop, bent on destroying the United States, and that he has bankrupted us and made us laughing stocks all around the world. Maybe I could put up with that…but the idea of a guy pretending to be a writer and not giving his ghostwriter any credit…well, that goes beyond the pale.
We haven’t seen anything that awful since President Kennedy “wrote” Profiles in Courage and won a Pulitzer Prize, while quietly sending royalty checks to his ghost, Ted Sorenson.
Maybe the rule is when you see a Democrat on a book tour, you’re in better company sticking with Donald Trump.

You’ve got to plan ahead

Warren Murphy — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 14:56:33 +0000

It’s never too soon to think about things like this. So when President Box’o'rocks (Bless his holy name) goes public with his reelection campaign, here’s a suggestion for a theme song: the old Bing Crosby standard, “I surrender, dear.” This will remind everyone of his wonderful Jimmy Carteresque foreign policy, otherwise known as whose shoes can I kiss today?

Here’s an idea; let’s put on a show!

Warren Murphy — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 02:09:30 +0000

I truly look forward to the day when Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Low-Rent bump into each other in prison and do the old Garland-Rooney thing: “Let’s put on a show!” and work up a prison musical.

Unfortunately Mel Brooks has already used “Springtime for Hitler” so Sheen will have to find something else to whet his anti-semitic appetite. Speaking of which, the other night he was ripping his old producer, Chuck Lorre, whose birth name was Charles Levine, but whom Sheen in a classic anti-Jew rant kept calling “Chaim Levine.” Still, isn’t it passing strange that a man’s name should be made fun of by someone who calls himself Charlie Sheen but whose real name is actually Carlos Estevez? Que pasa?

Ave atque vale:

Warren Murphy — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 02:07:28 +0000

Duke Snider, the Brooklyn Dodgers centerfielder who died this week, was a member of the greatest outfield triumvirate ever assembled when, back in the 50’s and 60’s, Mickey Mantle played centerfield for the Yankees, Willy Mays for the Giants, and the Dook for the Dodgers, all in New York City. And while he didn’t get the headlines like the other two, Snider was often, for years at a clip, the best of the three. Farewell to a class act.

If only we were more understanding

Warren Murphy — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 23:11:57 +0000

So two American airmen are shot and killed in a German airport by some nitwit shouting Allah Akbar. So….just how long do you think it will be before somebody close to President Puss-in-Boots (Bless his holy name) will say it was just a “random act of violence” and had nothing to do with Islam?
Sure, maybe the devout Muslim gunman was just yelling “I wants a Mars Bar,” and got mad when the service was too slow.

The lowdown on peace and looooooooooove

Warren Murphy — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 18:40:56 +0000

The Koran is the Muslim bible and its earliest-written parts talk about peace and love and approvingly call Jews and Christians “the children of the Book.” But all major Islamic authorities hold that the Koran must be read so that the parts written later — after Muhammad went to Medina in 622 A.D. — override the earlier sections. This is called the theory of abrogation.

So what kind of stuff shows up in the Koran and now takes precedence over all the blather about peace and loooooove? There are 114 Surahs (chapters) in the scripture. Here are a couple of the later ones that are now the law of the land.

Surah 9, verse 5: “Fight and slay the unbelievers wherever ye find them and lie in wait for them in every stratagem of war….”

And moving right along on the path of peace and love, we come to Surah 9, verse 29, which reads: “Fight those who believe not in Allah nor the Last Day nor hold that forbidden which hath been forbidden by Allah and and his apostle, nor acknowledge the religion of truth, even if they are of the 40 people of the Book, until they pay the jizya (tax on non-Muslims) with willing submission and feel themselves subdued.”

Surah 5, Verse 51: “O, ye who believe. Take not the Jews and Christians for your friends and protectors. They are but friends and protectors to each other. And he among you that turns to them for friendship is of them, and verily Allah guideth not the unjust.”

And Surah 3, Verse 28, outlines the doctrine of Taqiyya which holds that Muslims should not be friends with “the infidel” — (that’s us, friends) — except as deception.

The most obvious example of such deception — that we see around us every day — is the constant quoting by Muslim activists of those passages of the Koran from the early part of Muhammad’s life when he was living in Mecca. These are the texts that are peaceful and tolerant toward those who don’t follow Islam. But even while they’re saying that, activist Muslims are fully aware that most of these passages were abrogated by passages written after Muhammad went to Medina. And these later passages, which now are boss, are the underlying doctrines behind the goal of Jihad, holy war against all you infidels.

Just so you know, in case anybody asks.

Nothing worse than jappery

Warren Murphy — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 02:58:19 +0000

Just a note along the way. The so-called showdown between human and computer on Jeopardy — (my Japanese mother-in-law used to call the show ‘Jappery’) — was a farce. I absolutely knew that if humans could log in before waiting for the whole question to be asked, they would win. But it turned out, those weren’t the rules. Everybody had to wait until the question was finally asked, which meant that humans — automatically — were going to be slower in clicking in than was a freaking machine that measured click-on time in millionths of a second. Just for a moment, go back, and think about this — a computer “beat” Gary Kasparov, the great grandmaster chess champ, in a five game match when Gary wasn’t well, up to snuff, and it just beat him –3-2 –when he made several uncharacteristic errors. Give me Gary, a twenty-game match, and he will kick the computer’s ass. Ditto today on Jappery. We are supposed to be impressed by some stupid machine that is asked the name of the United States city that houses an aiirport, named after a war hero, and its answer is “Toronto?” Toronto? Hello? Earlier it answered a question about a Paris museum and its answer was “the museum of Picasso.” That is just utterly stupid.
In passing, even allowing for Alzheimer’s, playing this game against the board, I beat the hell out of Watson. Not so good, world; my Mensa days are long behind me, but even allowing for that, don’t count on computers replacing us any time soon.
(P.S. If there are any chess freaks out there, I once wrote a chess-based novel about this subject called “End Game,” under the pen name of Dev Stryker. You might recognize some of the humans involved in it. (But along the way, if any of you try to pick this up in a used book shop or website, make sure to buy the paperback version because the imbecile publishers got the critical chess diagram wrong in the hardcover book. Can you guess why I hate publishers?)

Stand back; I are a jenius:

Warren Murphy — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 03:21:35 +0000

James Clapper, the director of national intelligence — (what an idiotic title for this guy) — has once again paraded his total unconsciousness in front of the American public. A couple of weeks ago, he was asked about a bomb plot unearthed in London, but nobody had told him about it. Today he testifies before Congress and, as I warned you, started talking about the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt as just a nice sweet secular group, “eschewing” violence. An hour later, he was contradicted by the FBI director who baasically said, “Eschew this;” the Brotherhood is indeed a terrorist organization.
Does anyone in the Box’o'rocks administration know anything?

I spell Pinocchio O-B-A-M-A

Warren Murphy — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 19:26:28 +0000

Remember this from President Box’o'rocks two years ago?
“I can make a firm pledge. Under my plan, no family making less than $250,000 a year will see any form of tax increase. Not your income tax, not your payroll tax, not your capital gains taxes, not any of your taxes.”
But that was then and this is now. Beginning January 1, 2013, ObamaCare imposes a 3.8% Medicare tax on unearned income, including the sale of single family homes, townhouses, co-ops, condominiums, and even rental income.
Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Close call for Coop

Warren Murphy — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 19:19:44 +0000

Wow. Anderson Cooper, the CNN anchor, was assaulted in Egypt. It was probably the work of those evil, terroristic “tea-baggers” that he is always mocking. Thank heavens he was surrounded by those moderate apostles of peace and looooooooovvve, that his network admires so much, and they were able to rescue him from the Sarah Palin gang.